the human race

Well, race.

 And why do we insist on putting our skin differences beneath the umbrella of "race?" Of course, we're all the human race. So as there is only one race, in this blog I'll refer (for the most part) to "culture" instead. It's a more complete and nuanced name for the complexities for which I intend it.

 Well, culture.

 I have had the extraordinary privilege of performing in a few (nearly) all-BIPOC casts in the last three years and directing another. In these post Ahmaud Arbery-Brianna Taylor-George Floyd days, post Trump days, post insurrection days, and lesser COVID-19 days, it's been a joy and a necessity to explore my own African American culture and the culture of the Western Hemisphere through the lens of the African diaspora. I have blogged before about my experience in CHOIR BOY at Yale Rep. In the early spring of 2019, I was previously at Yale Rep for my first all-BIPOC Shakespeare production, TWELFTH NIGHT (as Malvolio). This came on the heels of a paralyzing personal tragedy in my life. Heartbreak.

Being there with this very special company of artists who, in many ways understood me and what I was going through better than I understood (it) myself, was intensely healing and reviving. And it set me on a path of looking inward to find all that I had missed about myself for nearly my whole life while trying to fit into a larger culture that misunderstood, undervalued, used, and fetishized me in my black skin. The larger culture did this, and I allowed it, under the aegis of "Liberalism." 

 A short time ago, a collaborator of mine managed to nearly completely erase me in the work environment. I always came to work on time, well-prepared, ready and hopeful for the day's tasks. But I was never asked to contribute and frequently my presence was ignored. In my field of work (the theater) nearly everyone is socio-politically "liberal." Theater people are determined that all have equal rights, that all cultures and communities are seen, heard, and valued, and that American history -- all of it -- is taught, told, and learned from. Yet here I was in a collaboration with an individual from the larger culture who, figuratively, would not let me in the room.

 And this is racism in action.

 It was being perpetrated (unknowingly!) by a person of strongly liberal socio-political values but it was, nevertheless, the action of racism. Culture (race) prejudice is an often harmless distaste/dislike/hatred for persons and things based on culture (race). But it is the necessary spark that ignites racism. Racism is the enforcement of disadvantage and oppression on one group or individual by another group or individual who posses(es) socio-political and/or corporate advantage. I am sure that my collaborator did not realize or understand that they were doing this to me. I feel certain they believe they "do not have a racist bone in their body." But because of the pervasiveness and insidiousness of systems of racism in our American fabric, it seeps into our thoughts and perceptions, and therefore our actions, without us ever knowing it has done so. Then we move in the world with unchecked ideas and behaviors of institutionalized (systemic) racism born from constant, varied influences that we encounter many times a day. These influences come from systems that have existed in our larger (Western) culture for centuries. Battling systemic racism is why James Brown taught little Black children like me to, "Say it loud! I'm Black and I'm Proud!" It is why I was taught to say, "Black is beautiful." It is why today we must truly understand that Black Lives Matter. Without those degrading and denigrating systems created by the more powerful (white) culture, there would be no need for these affirmations.

 White people, most of whom experientially know very little about racism, too often think of racist behavior as an absolute (e.g., membership in organized groups for the purpose of fostering hate, disregard for cultural boundaries in language and action, willful exclusion of "the others," etc.). Many of those who do not participate in and/or subscribe to these behaviors immediately dismiss the question of racism in themselves and close the subject. They are unaware(?) that racist thought is still there in the corners of their minds where they don't think to or dare to explore. There is a perceived immorality and ignorance associated with culture (race) prejudice that liberals find shameful and others resentfully consider being "woke." Because this self-reflection may be painful or disappointing and tends to prioritize the needs or opinions of the oppressed, both groups tend to avoid it and lazily fall back on a blind reliance on the cultural systems of oppression that are already in place -- systems that have given them visible and invisible advantage in America since this country was established and long before.

 And I know this because I have the racist thoughts myself. I learned them from the American and, by extension, the Western cultures of which I am a part. I have learned them as a means of being able to navigate my way inside this culture that I was taught could and would do me great harm if I did not learn the rules and try to play them to my best advantage. But this is in itself a miscalculation! Because although one tries to use those rules to one's advantage, you are still playing their game -- with their rules. 

 So my recent journeys in art and in society have allowed me to explore, learn, understand, and heal some very old wounds that have hampered me for nearly my entire life. I owe this healing to OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR at Goodman Theater in Chicago and the Ohio University in Athens, OH, to THE TRAGEDY OF KING LEAR at The Shakespeare Festival of St. Louis in St. Louis, MO, to CHOIR BOY at Yale Rep in New Haven, CT, and once again to TWELFTH NIGHT at Yale Rep and most recently at the Classical Theater of Harlem in New York City. They all dealt with issues of the African diaspora and did so with all or nearly all BIPOC artists.

 I'm Black and I'M PROUD. Black IS BEAUTIFUL. And BLACK LIVES MATTER. My journey of healing is UNlearning the things I have acquired, some unawares and some lucidly, from a system that does not value me equally.  I'm proud to be a contributor to the human race. But when my culture calls me to stand, I'm already standing.